0verhyped

Less than amusing ramblings from a jaded former gamer.

Tag Archives: Collectable

Pointless Achievements: Pointless Achievement


Wow…Just, just not even trying anymore?
Just flat out telling people what a waste this is.

Yeah, this one is actually just called “Pointless Achievement”. I’d actually forgotten I had ever even earned this one, that’s how pointless it is. Pointless Achievement is from the one, and only, downloadable expansion to Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. It unlocks when you enter the new area from the expansion. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say.

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Pointless Achievements: Party’s Over


This is a fitting name for this achievement.
Because any kind of fun is long over if you’re doing it.

I had originally planed to talk about the Kingpin achievement from Saint’s Row 2 today, but wouldn’t you know it, I just got a brand new fresh shipment of crushing disappointment yesterday that I’d like to bitch about instead.

Yesterday the (hopefully) final DLC Expansion for Batman: Arkham City was released, Harley Quinn’s Revenge. Unlike the last two “expansions”, which were just extra characters for the challenge maps that cost seven bucks each, Harley Quinn’s Revenge is supposed to be a continuation of the story. An actual adventure and not just an addition to the arcade style score attack gameplay the challenge rooms provide.

You’d think for a ten dollar add-on they’d have a couple of new and interesting tricks to show you for your money. Plus it was released seven months after the last expansion. So you’d think this might actually be something good, since they’ve been working on it so long. And it continues the story of Arkham City? That could be interesting.

But no, it’s just more of the same old crap. Beat up bad guys, go here, beat up guys, go here, The End. It’s like they needed one last add-on to justify selling a “Game of the Year” edition, which wouldn’t you know, they announced at the same time as this expansion. Nothing makes it more clear that this add-on was just made for financial reasons quite like the “Party’s Over” achievement.

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Pointless Achievements: Speed Run


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So continuing my discussion on Braid, let’s talk about the single most fucking annoying achievement in the game. The not at all creatively named Speed Run. Once you beat Braid you have an option to try certain segments with a timer in an attempt to speed run them. And the one segment you need to beat for this achievement is THE ENTIRE FUCKING GAME!

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Pointless Achievements: Kayak Master


What’s that? You find Fishing Resort way too calm and relaxing?
Well then, just try a kayak race and watch your blood pressure soar!

In case you hadn’t heard, Fishing Resort is possibly the greatest fishing game ever made, and just a good game in general. It can also be really relaxing at times. What with scenic surroundings and the mellow vibe it gives off. I even thought of holding a contest to give away a copy of Fishing Resort. Then I remembered almost nobody visits this site.

But even with its laid back gameplay, Fishing Resort isn’t above tedious goals with only a razor thin margin of error, nor am I above pursuing such pointless goals even though I really really should know better by this point.

Fishing Resort has achievements, or accomplishments, or whatever the hell you want to call them. All though a lot of them are a pain in the ass, they usually have something to do with fishing. Not the case with Kayak Master, which takes what should have been a simple diversion and turns it into a tortuous ordeal.

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Pointless Achievements: The Nuka-Cola Challenge


Go forth into the unforgiving hellscape that was once our world my child.
And don’t forget to pick up my favorite brand of soda while you’re at it.

Well, yesterday, I spent a lot of time whining about modern sandbox games just filling their mostly empty worlds with pointless crap to keep people busy. So I figured for today I’d pick an achievement to demonstrate this cliche of lazy game design. And it was kind of hard to choose, because so many sandbox games have so very many pointless tedious achievements.

But I decided on The Nuka-Cola Challenge achievement from Fallout 3. Not because you have to find all of a certain set of items hidden everywhere in a massive game world, that would be the Valut-Tec C.E.O. and Weaponsmith achievements. Nor is it for collectibles in a small area, that would be Mill Worker and Alien Archivist from the expansions.

The Nuka-Cola Challenge achievement, and the quest of the same name, is the task of collecting thirty Nuka-Cola Quantums and giving them to some crazy lady who collects Nuka-Cola merchandise. That’s pretty much it. A whole massive post apocalyptic wasteland to explore, but the developers were so short on interesting quests to fill it with that this of all things got marked with an achievement.

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Pointless Achievements: Keeper of the Black Cross


You collected flags. You’re the keeper of worthless shit!
Leave it to Ubisoft to put the ASS in Assassin’s Creed.

Or Keeper of the Four Gospels, or Keeper of the Crescent, they’re all just fancy fucking names to dress up a single worthless collect-a-thon that is part of the misery that is Assassin’s Creed! God I hated this game. The story is absurd and bogged down with a horribly unnecessary Sci-Fi framing device only created to hand wave all the games awful glitches and inconsistencies. The gameplay is incredibly stilted. The actual Assassinations are padded out to ridiculous lengths with god awful filler missions that involve sitting on a bench or following some random jack-ass. Even most of the actual Assassinations feel incredibly scripted, where you might as well be playing a cutscene.

I felt so ripped off by Assassin’s Creed that I demanded my money back, which was a really odd thing for me to do because I actually borrowed it from a friend free of charge. I hated playing Assassin’s Creed so much I swore of the series right then and there. I hear people say the sequels are actually “better”, but I also heard the same people say the first one was “good”, so I don’t trust those people.

But the crowing moment of crap had to be the “Keeper of…” achievements, which was a fancy way of saying you had wasted large chunks of your life collecting tiny little flags that had been casually strewn across a giant game map. And what did you get for collecting all these fucking flags? Nothing. Just an achievement that marks what a loser you are, unless you’re playing the PS3 version, which was released before the trophy update, in which case you literally got nothing.

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